About three months ago, I posted on Facebook asking people to share questions they had about either my personal adoption story or just questions about adoption in general. This post is to answer those questions as well as to share a few questions that have been commonly been asked.
The answers to these questions are, of course, going to be influenced by my personal story as an adoptee and shouldn't be seen as an answer or all adoptees since every story is so different. There is no way to generalize an entire group of completely unique individuals. However, I hope the answers I've provided can give you a little bit of understanding or at least insight into adoption.
Questions
What was it like growing up with a family that doesn't look like you?
Growing up, I knew I didn't look the same as my family. However, I didn't really care. I was lucky enough to be adopted by parents who treated me the same as their biological children, and I was also in a healthy environment unlike many other adoptees. As an adult, looking different from my family still isn't something that bothers me.
One thing I can say, though, is that there have been times when I've completely forgotten I don't look like my family. I've seen other adoptees say similar things, and as I get older I've found it rings true with me. What I mean is that sometimes I completely forget I'm Asian. It's kind of hard to explain what I mean, and I know that this kind of thought manifests itself differently in each person. Essentially for me, I often feel as if I am of no particular race or ethnicity. It's kind of an "I'm here, and that's it" kind of feeling. I feel that I'm just something undefinable. Long story short, I'm still figuring this out for myself.
Were you ever made fun of for being adopted?
I was never personally made fun of for being adopted. Interestingly enough, it wasn't until I entered university that I started realizing how little people really know about adoption and how infrequently people have interactions with people who have been adopted, whether domestically or internationally.
My first year of university was actually as a post-secondary student. (Note: post-secondary means taking university level classes while still in high school to complete both high school and university requirements.) After that first semester, I was left feeling really out of sorts with people, and I felt off-centered. I had never before experienced almost daily comments about my race and origins. I had also never had to explain the fact that I was adopted before to so many people. (Not that I technically owed anyone any kind of explanation.) It kind of felt like a daily routine: go to school, get asked by some stranger about my origins, go to work, get asked by some stranger about my origins, go home, and repeat. It felt like I never got a break. It built up a lot of frustration at other people and self-consciousness and self-doubt inside me about who I was and where I belonged.
